Life is not all roses.
Dang it! Don’t you want it to be?
I know I do. I want everything to work out (the first time). I want my books to do well (and those of my editorial clients.). I want my girls to win in the show ring, and excel in the field. I want everybody to be nice (and get along). I want healing for my friends and family undergoing treatments.
I want. Perhaps I should just stop there!
Deep desires of the heart are fabulous in that the passion drives us to succeed. But those also come with deep disappointments when we don’t.
And staying positive in the face of defeats is, well, difficult.
I mean, look at my list above. Now, that’s not fraught with perils and demons! I mean . . . What could possibly go wrong?
Okay, now that I’m picking myself up from the floor for laughing out of my chair, let’s get real.
Lots of stuff goes wrong. Every day or week or month or year . . . Sometimes things don’t work out for decades. Seriously. But since giving up is a toughie for me, the time does come to stop the positive spin, take off any blinders, and assess the situation for what it is.
Sometimes when focused so sharply on positivity, we get this idea that to give in to the feelings of defeat is a sin. So we stay positive no matter what.
And that’s not the point.
If you’ve been beating your head against a wall for a very long time, and all you’re getting for your time and trouble is a headache, maybe the time has come to reevaluate.
Is the problem the challenge itself? Have you gone about it the wrong way? Are you missing something?
I’m having that dilemma right now. One of my girls is out showing. She started great! And has had some success. She’s always in the ribbons, has taken the points and also been Reserve many times. But we all thought she’d just zip through.
What gives? There’s more to figuring this out than just staying positive. And often, I have to let reality sink in, with all its negative emotions, feel them, wallow even, before I can start to see with an unadulterated eye.
And that often doesn’t feel good.
But when looking through the lens of reality, I know that my girls are different. Shock! They’re not the huge mooses that often go up at Specialties (although we have). And they’re too much for the all-breed ring (although Wick’s been winning there). What I think is right, splits the middle seam. Which, well, makes it difficult.
Should I just bring her home?
But I have to get over those feelings of defeat before I can start seeing this for what it is again. Yep, I could do it differently—one way or the other. But I believe what I’m doing with this breed is correct (else, why do it). So in the harsh light of day, I remember, again, why I’m doing this. And stick to my guns, no matter what happens in the ring.
It’s when you maintain that positive attitude to gloss over reality that, as Deepak Chopra says, you’re just mood making. And that comes with lying to yourself, which is never, ever helpful.
So, when you’re on the path toward positivity, do you always have to be light and laughter and smiles?
If you are, you’re a wee bit shy of your truth.
One thing that came clearly to me through spirit’s voice (and isn’t that always cool? When you can hear it, speaking words you would never say) was clear as a mountain stream: “God didn’t make you for defeat.”
Wow. That got my attention. Once I quit glossing over, looked at the situation for what it was, felt the feelings (defeat being primary among them), and shook off the rose-colored glasses, a directive came straight from spirit.
Now, what I do with that information is up to me. But it so got my attention to listen, pay attention, get quiet and hear. And when I did that, the next step came.
God didn’t make you for defeat either. What are you glossing over with positivity and missing the deeper essence of?
And I’m laughing—just as I finished this, I got word that Wicked took a 4-point major today!