How To Be Brave And Confident When You Don’t Want To

And we all run into that brick wall of not wanting to.

How To Be Brave And Confident When You Don’t Want To

You know the feeling—when you’ve been pursuing some goal, chasing a dream, and it just seems as though doors keep closing in your face.  Or, you keep failing at whatever task you’re trying to master.  Or your competition, foe, antagonist, whatever lies before you just looms like a monster in your path.

Those days when life seems, well, just bigger than you are.

We all have those times.

We also know that when they show up, we have two choices—to forge ahead, or quit.

Because life is never stagnant, and when you do nothing, the tides sweep you swiftly and surely out to sea.

So what to do when the obstacle seems insurmountable, but you know you have to face it anyway?

5 Keys for how to be Brave and Confident in any Situation:

  1. Stop and breathe.

Get to the stillness of your core, where wisdom and strength and courage lie.  Because they are there, in all of us.  Buried, perhaps, under all the muck accrued through the living of life, but there nevertheless.  Some have greater measures of these virtues than others, but that’s almost always due to having fought more battles in the first place.

  1. Remember when you’ve faced similar foes (even though those might have been in different circumstances or endeavors).

Because you’ve fought some good fights, no?  Everyone has succeeded somewhere in life, so take the time to draw on those victories.  Feel how that felt.  Go back to the time when you mastered that task, and really feel it.  Smell it, taste it, hear what happened around you.

Re-experiencing the emotions surrounding previous success is key.  Not only does doing so flood you with feel-good hormones, but you remember into the cells of your body that yep, by god, you have succeeded before.

  1. Remember that to “fail,” to “be afraid,” to want to run at times is part and parcel of being human. Very few (if any) people are born being brave.  It’s a learned trait.  And you learn it by being afraid in the first place.  If nothing ever scared you, you wouldn’t have had to learn to be brave.

As Morihei Ueshiba, a martial artist and founder of the Japanese martial art of Aikido said, “Iron is full of impurities that weaken it; through forging, it becomes steel and is transformed into a razor-sharp sword.  Human beings develop in the same fashion.”

  1. Marshall your forces.

What traits do you already have that serve you well in this circumstance?  What are the ones that you still need to learn/master?

Just the act of breaking this down into parts brings courage.  Because you already have learned much on this path of life, no?  You bring to the table the tools and weapons forged through the experiences that have made you who you are today.

And if you’ve learned before, you can again now.  So identify what’s missing on your quest, and make a plan to master the skills still needed.

  1. Redirect and reframe.

Take all of that fearful energy (which is powerful indeed) and redirect it to the task at hand.  Reframe your thoughts of “I may fail.  This is scary,” etc., to “You know what?  I just may succeed here.”

Because until you try, you can’t possibly know that you’ll fail. 

As author and publisher of The Daily Motivator Ralph Marston said, You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. 

How do you face the tiger at the gate?


About the Author Susan Malone

Award-winning writer and editor Susan Mary Malone is the author of the novels, "I Just Came Here to Dance" and "By the Book," as well as four co-authored nonfiction books, including "What’s Wrong with My Family?" and many published short stories. Forty-plus Malone-edited books have now sold to traditional publishers.

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Leave a Comment:

Makasha Dorsey says November 17, 2015

I’m going through “redirect and reframe” right now. I ended up here because of fear of pursuing what I really wanted out of life. Thanks for reminding me that this is an okay place to be.

    Susan Malone says November 17, 2015

    It truly is okay, Makasha. We all make wrong turns at times. But we can always change directions, no?

Saidah Washington says November 17, 2015

Great points Susan. Everything you said is true and a must for overcoming fear.

Lauren says November 17, 2015

Good tips. It take a lot of mental fortitude sometimes to accomplish a goal or to tackle something you’re hesitant to do!

    Susan Malone says November 18, 2015

    It does, doesn’t it, Lauren! And that mental fortitude will get you there.

Laura says November 17, 2015

Thanks for these tips! Honestly when you are in a situation you don’t always think about how you have faced similar situations and you are STILL HERE! Something so simple like thinking like that can change your whole outlook!

    Susan Malone says November 18, 2015

    Fear blocks out that remembrance, I think. Or at least it can for me! But remembering past successes can absolutely change your outlook, Laura. Thanks for that!

Priya Aurora says November 18, 2015

Great tips Susan. Each one so valid and true.

Stephanie Keeping says November 18, 2015

Wonderful tips and encouragement! We can not be afraid to live life to the fullest.

    Susan Malone says November 19, 2015

    And isn’t that what it’s all about, Stephanie–living like to the fullest 🙂

Rocio Chavez (@yoursassyself) says November 19, 2015

So true, we have to push through fear, through the uncomfortable, especially when we’re presented with things or opportunities that cause this inside of us because they’ve been put forth for a reason and we owe it to ourselves to find why that is.

    Susan Malone says November 19, 2015

    Great point, Rocio–the essence always resides within us. Why did something make me afraid in the first place? Ah, now there’s the question!

Sheila Bliss says November 19, 2015

Susan I just love number 5! Redirect and reframe! Something I need to do by the minute. Some days are easier than others but the “other” days when you’re at your lowest are also the sweetest when you remember to redirect and reframe. Great reminders Susan. Thank you!

Lai says November 19, 2015

Great tips, thanks for sharing. Conquer your fears, thats what I always do.

    Susan Malone says November 20, 2015

    Yep, those fears are there to be conquered, Lai. Such learning experiences!

Kathy @ SMART Living says April 24, 2016

Hi Susan! Thanks for the reminders to be brave and walk through our fears. I am a big fan of Morihei Ueshiba. He is an amazing teacher and has a lot to share with us all about bravery. And I LOVE that quote by Ralph Marston: “You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. ” Thank for all these reminders. ~Kathy

    Susan Malone says April 25, 2016

    Isn’t Ueshiba a great teacher, Kathy! And that Marston quote has helped me immensely. I have done it before. And I can do it now. Changes my vibrational level in an instant!

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